How much of an issue do you make an "issue"?

On December 2, 2013, the Hawaii  Marriage Equality Act went into effect. Licenses were issued, and same-sex couples lined up at the courthouse and in some houses of worship to become legally married.  On our school campus, this event came and went with little fanfare.  There are no couples (as of yet) lining up to be married in our school's chapel.  Still, there is a strong conservative evangelical current within our community whose fear is that students at school will be "exposed" to gay marriage.

To quote, M*A*S*H's Col. Sherman T. Potter, "Horse hockey!"



The reality is is that there have been gay couples in life partnerships* for a very long time.  We have had in our schools, in our workplaces, and even our houses of worship, gay couples and more recently same-sex couple families either with children from previous relationships, adopted, or conceived through Invitro-fertilization.  Gay couples and families are already a contributing part of the fabric of our society.  Furthermore, when it comes to this issue, unlike a church community, here at school there is no marriage curriculum.  We are simply not in the business of telling people what marriage is or should be about any more than we are in the business of telling our parents how they should have a healthy sex life.  For us, a school, it's simply not our mission.

As a school, we exist in order that we might create a safe and healthy learning environment where, at developmentally appropriate levels, facts and concepts are offered for study, reflection, and where appropriate, debate.

Some of what gets people wound up is fear. Fear of being marginalized, fear of becoming a minority voice, fear that personal religious values held so highly are now irrelevant.  There is the fear of "first gay marriage, then what's next?"  Because marriage is such an institution in our society people's emotions run deep on this matter. Enter into a place in which children are involved (such as a school) and for many, it's not just an issue, it's THE issue.

Legitimately, in the school environment in which I work, there are questions that are asked about how we as chaplains "respond" to this situation.  Is there only one way we can or should respond?  Does there even need to be a response at all given the present circumstances?  Do we need to issue a statement?  Do I even need to blog about it? How much of an issue do you make an issue?

I am a priest of the Episcopal Church, a denomination that has a long history of supporting human and civil rights, and now gay rights as well.  The national governing body of the Episcopal Church, called General Convention, even passed liturgical rites for the blessing of same sex couples. The Bishop of Hawaii has given clergy authorization to perform same-sex unions within establish guidelines.

As a Chaplain, I am called to love and minister to all of God's people, even though we may strongly disagree on a variety of political and religious issues, same sex relationships being one.  I am sympathetic to my colleagues on a topic that continues to be a religious "hot potato."  They are people of faith who love God and care deeply for their students.  Still, anti-gay remarks are made that make me cringe and shake my head in grief and sadness that we cannot even uphold the dignity of one another. The same could be said of pro-equality comments that disregard the rights and dignity of those who stand in opposition. My point is one of respect and the willingness to agree to disagree.  The problem is, is  that when such statements (both sides) get internalized, and you bring faith and God into the picture, there is the potential to create further divisiveness and risk conditions that set students up to be singled out and bullied.  A situation no one wants.  On that we all can agree.

We must rely on what it means to be a professional when it comes to the art and craft of teaching and the formation of tender minds and souls. As teachers (and even chaplains) we must be appropriate with our personal opinions when it comes to our effort to maintain a welcoming and inclusive school environment. Neither, however, should we shy away from controversy because topics like gay marriage do indeed arise in our classes.

I see the issue of same-sex marriage on our campus a few steps down the rung of the ladder.  We already have students in our classrooms with same gender parents and I would like to be able to assure them as we do all our parents that their child and their families are safe and a welcomed part of our community.

Final thoughts:

This blog entry went on much longer than I planned.

There are no plans for us to specifically address this topic in the school chapel.  We will continue our charted course through the Church year; include opportunities for us to learn about other faiths, as well as address issues surrounding bullying, intolerance, other "isms"  as they might pertain to our school core values of compassion, inclusivity, integrity, honesty, and so on.

For me, the gay marriage "issue"-isn't.  Marriage is legally available in this state without respect to gender.  Incidentally, in regards to the  ceremonies in the chapel. weddings and funerals are handled by us chaplains, in keeping with the traditions and practices of the Episcopal Church, but are held outside the school day- usually on the weekends. When listed within internal communications for planning and scheduling purposes they are simply listed as "Wedding".

So, how much of an issue do you make of an "issue?"

Having said all this, I have not said whether or not I would personally perform such a marriage.  The issue is for me is decidedly clear on whether or not gay and lesbian couples should marry.  I do not know if I am, in heart and mind at the moment, the one who does the legal deed. This decision is rooted in my own fears and insecurities.  Not the fear that says gay marriages threaten families or the perpetuation of the human species, but my own fear that in doing so goes contrary to centuries of faithful theology and teaching. It i also centered in the belief that the Church should not be in the business of the state.  I will gladly bless a union, but performing the work of legal social contracting does take this issue to a new level. Does this make me a hypocrite? Perhaps.  It is a sin I bear. But thankfully, God is not done with me yet and I am still a work in progress. There is new theology being spoken and formed.  I hope that others can understand and respect this.

* (life time partnerships might be considered de facto marriages, but without same the legal protections afforded traditional married couples.  With the US Supreme Court's striking down of DOMA, the Hawaii Marriage Equality Act of 2013 attempted to correct this and make all civil marriages equal in the eyes of the law.)